Lame Marriage Proposals (yes plural)

This story was inspired after reading Lori Dyans post on getting engaged to her husband.  If you don’t read her already go check her out.  She is a LAUGH-A-RIOT!

I’ve been around the block once or twice or probably maybe a third or fourth time-but who’s really counting, and yes,  Mom and Dad you did not hear that from me.  I just finished up the 50 Shades of Grey series (stop laughing!!! I love good soft mommy-porn!) and ever since I started the first book I can’t stop thinking about my romantic life from the age of 19- 25 yrs old….When I think of it in one entire lump I realize what a mess it (I) was.  I was not the prettiest girl but I excelled at personality and I could (Mike: can) flirt like nobodies business.  It’s like a gift from the ‘not the prettiest’ goddess from above.  The end result was I had options…I went out with a string of men guys boys.

Mike:  Not the best options, honey

Molly:  Options!  I still have them!!!

Mike:  Yes you do and I will kick their butts if they come near you.

Like I was saying, I was a mess with romantical options and making very bad choices.  Most didn’t have actual jobs and they had at least one of the following adorable traits:

  • achoholic
  • heroin addict (Oh, that’s right, he was on the methadone to recover from the heroine)
  • living in the woods
  • hoarder (No, not Mike!)
  • living in an old closed down school

And then there was their expectations:

  • ‘Yes, I’m really really into you but don’t answer the phone just in case my recently ex-girlfriend of 5 years calls.’
  • ‘You are so pretty when you don’t talk.’ (I kinda had to agree, I can be very mouthy)
  • ‘Let go sleep with other people, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to ask your co-worker out?’

OK, I was no princess…I pulled a few mean stunts but this is not about that part of my romance life it’s about….’how did your husband propose marriage to you?!’

Mike:  Really bad transition there hon.

Molly: Ahem…remember this is my post.

Although Mike and my first husband couldn’t be more different people, the way they asked me to marry them couldn’t have been more alike.  I must bring it out of men because the only other near marriage proposal was also very similar (that was the ‘you are so beautiful when you don’t talk’ dude).  Oh, I got back at him!  I dumped him for husband #1!  YEAH! Take that!  I picked you for a really bad marriage!

1. They all asked me in a car

2.  Not really asked, but a version of ‘if we spent the rest of our lives together’.  Mike actually mentioned the word marriage-give him a few points.

3.  No ring was involved.  Boyfriend- lets go to Fiji and live off my dads money;  Husband #1- how about a low-rider truck?;  Mike-no money, no low rider truck.

SHRIEEEEEEKKK!!!!!

Boyfriend- I said ‘thanks but no thanks’;  Husband #1- yes, but when we divorced I sent him and the damn low rider truck on their merry way;  Mike- Oh, now here comes the romance!

Mike and I were driving down the road.  He said something like,

“What if we did it in October”

I’m thinking, ‘He must be talking about marriage…not sex!’  I respond,

“Yeah, October sounds good”.

That was it!

When he arrived at work the next day his salesman had asked his girlfriend to marry him that very weekend.  This guy had the story of the year! Of the decade even!!

It was impulsive!  He got the ring at the last minute, got on a train with girlfriend with a bunch of tourists, grabbed the train guide’s microphone and asked his lady to marry him!  In front of all these people!  She said yes, it was perfect!

After hearing the reenactment Mike promptly called me and told me to forget our conversation in the truck.  He wanted a do-over.  Sure!  What did I have to lose, another proposal in a car?!

A month later on the day Pistol and I moved up to Santa Fe he got a babysitter for the kids. When I walked in he sat me down with a box in his lap and asked me to open it.  Inside was a bottle of fancy tequila and two hand blown glasses with a message:

 Mike's marriage proposal

That was 9 years ago.  After the mess of boyfriends I had I often wonder how I ended up with such a great guy.

Mike: Don’t you credit the boyfriend you had before me?!

Molly: Yes, but without him and his amazing respect for me it would not have laid the ground for you to enter my life!  Shush now lovey!

Oh, and the salesman that asked his girlfriend to marry him on the train?  A few months later they ended up in a huge fight where the police were called out and both were hauled off to jail for the night.  They promptly broke up.  SEE!

Mike:  See what?

Molly:  Lame marriage proposals don’t mean a lame relationship!

Mike:  That’s right!  We have 16 more years left on our 25 year marriage lease.

Molly: Exactly!


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5 Comments

  1. Posted May 12, 2012 at 5:19 am | Permalink

    Good recovery, Mike. I made up for own lame one with a renewed vows and a honeymoon a few years ago.  

    • Posted May 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

      Or he could do a do-over do-over with a honeymoon!

  2. Grumpyrumblings
    Posted May 12, 2012 at 6:05 am | Permalink

    I think we decided to get married over the phone long-distance the summer before our senior year.   Something like, “We’re graduating next year, should we make plans to be together next year, and are we ready to get married.”  I’d been asking him to marry me since I was 16 (usually while making out), and he would always say, “Maybe later.”  Sometimes I forget that we’ve been married and ask him again in the heat of the moment.
    Here’s his do-over.
    http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/the-proposal/
    Then we went to a pizza place and I tried really hard to listen to his romantic and elaborate proposal completely with stick figures with Seinfeld on the tv in the background.

    • Posted May 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm | Permalink

      That is so funny!  I can totally relate to asking Mike to marry me while we were making out!!

  3. Terry
    Posted May 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Love your stories! I married more than once or twice due to the fact that my Grandmother told me to never “shack up” so I felt that I must live up to that standard.  Hence forth, I can not go to Reno or Las Vegas without getting married!! I am not married now nor do I intend to; but am so happy for people for whom it works.  I believe in the way my Plains People divorced: put the man’s belonging outside the tipi; that meant it was over and there was no more talking or fighting about it.  I learned to do my own divorces; court and all.  That pin stripe suit I wore really made me look like I knew my shit!

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