Zucchiniland

Yep, it’s that time of the year folks.  Back in the spring it was so hard to only plant one zucchini plant.  Heh, now what are you going to do?

I thought I was being restrained. I really did.  After last year’s monster zucchini I didn’t see any reason to ever plant more than one summer squash.

I had picked up some sugar pumpkin seeds this spring at the seed swap at Homegrown New Mexico thinking, “What the heidi-ho? Some pumpkin pie would be nice.”  Well my friends, squash are infamous for being a little naive and a bit loose.   Clearly some some bees took last year’s pumpkin and a willing zucchini out for a few too many drinks because the love child of that tryst created a plant that makes the biggest baddest squash you’ve ever seen!

zumpkins 

What to do with too much zucchini?

I’ve been giving my extras to the chickens and ducks.  Snacky duck decided she really likes squash.  (She got her name because as the ducks are filing out of their house in the morning she’s always breaking rank.  “Ohh that looks tasty… Mmmm I’ve just got to grab that leaf on my way out!  The other ducks are always hassling her “Come on Snacky get with the program!  We’re a tightly organized unit here. Don’t make us look bad in front of the chickens.”)

If you don’t have poultry to feed your bizarre gardening experiments to or need a place for excess garden bounty try your local food bank.  Failing that here are ten fabulous suggestions from The Five Second Rule:

10. Store your zucchini in the refrigerator. Sell your house. Do not return to that house. Ever.

9. Put the zucchini in the pocket of your jeans. Accidentally run your jeans through the washing machine. Oops.

8. Invite everyone you know to a zucchini potluck. Before your friends arrive, go to a movie. Then head to a bar. Then find new friends.

7. Shave your zucchini into slivers. Hide the slivers between the pages of your books. Book sale!

6. Dress your zucchini in a bear suit. Call animal control.

5. Move to a country where zucchini is the currency. Spend all your zucchini on diamonds. Shiny!

4. Use your zucchini as a baseball bat. Make sure the ball is bigger than the zucchini. Make sure the ball is heavier than the zucchini. Swing for the fences.

3. Rob a bank. Put the money in a white bag with red polka dots. Put all your zucchini in an identical bag. Call the police tip line. Abscond with the cash.

2. Develop a reality show where hot singles compete to see who can eat the most zucchini. When Bravo buys the rights, leave Earth.

1. And the number one thing to do when you have too much zucchini: imagine how the zucchini feels. It’s probably not too fond of you either.

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